1. Adjust the tint on your TV surface.
2. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
3. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
4. Ask 800 operators for dates.
5. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
6. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people’s backpacks.
7. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
8. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
9. Specify that your drive-through order is „to go“.
10. Set alarms for random times.
11. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of „Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…“
12. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
13. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
14. Leave your NIN tape in Great Uncle Ed’s stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
15. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a „croaking“ noise.
16. Honk and wave to strangers.
17. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter’s Orange.
18. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
19. Tape pieces of „Sweatin’ to the Oldies“ over climactic parts of rental movies.
20. Wear your pants backwards.
21. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
22. Begin all your sentences with „ooh la la!“
23. Leave someone’s printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
24. Steal a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
25. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
26. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
27. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
28. Write „X – BURIED TREASURE“ in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.
29. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/OJ
30. Simpson conspiracy theories.
31. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: „Do you hear that?“ „What?“
32. „Never mind, it’s gone now.“
33. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
34. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
35. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
36. Demand that everyone address you as „Conquistador“.
37. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
38. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
39. When christmas caroling, sing „Jingle Bells, Batman smells“ until physically restrained.
40. Wear a cape that says „Magnificent One“.
41. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
42. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
43. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
44. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
45. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
46. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.
47. When nearly done, announce „no, wait, I messed it up“, and repeat.
48. Name your dog „Dog“.
49. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
50. Ask people what gender they are.
51. Reply to everything someone says with „that’s what YOU think.“
52. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
53. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
54. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off „in case the big one comes“.
55. Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
56. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
57. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers’ brains, such as
58. „Feliz Navidad,“ the Archies’ „Sugar“ or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
59. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
60. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
61. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
62. Leave your christmas lights up and lit until September.
63. Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
64. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
65. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.
66. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
67. Wear a LOT of cologne.
68. Ask to „interface“ with someone.
69. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your „superior mental processing“.
70. Sing along at the opera.
71. Mow your lawn with scissors.
72. At a golf tournament, chant „swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!“
73. Finish all your sentences with the words „in accordance with prophesy“.
74. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your „imaginary friend“.
75. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
76. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about „psychological profiles“.
77. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as „sticky wicket isn’t cricket.“
78. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a „magic picture“.
79. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
80. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
81. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.
82. Never make eye contact.
83. Never break eye contact.
84. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
85. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
86. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
87. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.

hat mich doch sehr verwundert, dass dittsche den moderatortitan nicht reingeholt hat.

und harald schmidt ist nur interessant, weil er mit waldi zusammengearbeitet hat.

herrlich. ein richtiges vergnügen. und das waren ja nicht die einzigen, die da waren. uwe seelers vertretung von schildkröte war ja auch genial. das habe ich nur leider nicht mehr gefunden.

so, jetzt steht wieder diss schreiben an…

schöne ostern noch!

das wichtige, was ich bei dem lauf gelernt habe, ich kann mit glück die 4 h schaffen. mit dem wk-tempo von sonntag wäre ich 3:45 unterwegs gewesen. das halte ich aber selber für unrealistisch, weil die letzte runde schon richtig fieser kampf war und der puls die ganze zeit jenseits von gut und böse.

was ich übrigens auch lustig fand ist, dass ich im bus zuerst an einem schild vorbeigekommen bin auf dem vor tollwut gewarnt wurde, und danach ein schild mit dem hinweis für die kinder- und jugendpsychatrie. ein zusammenhang? man weiß es nicht. aber gegen solche tollwut gibt man ja heute gerne ritalin.

übrigens alle, die blut spenden wollen. macht es nicht hier in darmstadt sondern in lamstedt. ist ein unterschied wie mcdonalds zu 3*-küche. und nach dem blut spenden sollte man keine bestzeiten beim schwimmen erwarten

und noch was völlig anderes. kauft euch die neuen alben von fettes brot. die heißen fettes und brot! die beste investition des jahres. ich verspreche es.

demnächst mehr an dieser stelle

war im dezember bei turbostaat. einer der wenigen guten exporte (neben beate uhse) aus flensburg. das lied hier haben sie nicht gespielt, aber für ihr neues album versprochen. ich kannt die jungs vorher gar nicht. hab mir da aber gleich mal zwei alben mitgenommen.

und letzte woche bin ich wieder ins 59:1 gegangen. dieses mal zu bigelf. sehr gute musik. aber wenn man den sänger sieht, dann weiß man genau woher der ausdruck stonerrock kommt